So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize