Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
