But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
