My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to have your abortion
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
