upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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