You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Of course I have a pirate flag
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
