We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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