I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
