She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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