my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
