every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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