And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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