i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Less talking, more tequila
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
