why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
