Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
