She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
