Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just invented taco cereal.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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