I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize