i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
