i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
