Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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