Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You are a genius and a whore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
