Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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