those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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