dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
