Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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