I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
