i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize