half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
