Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
