He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
smell my finger.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
