dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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