Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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