Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
