Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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