Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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