I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
