you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize