I think i peed on brittanys purse
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
