kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
