Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
