My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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