wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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