good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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