They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
