How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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