I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
