I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize