why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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