I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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