Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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