Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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