worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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