the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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