we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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