Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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