My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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