why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
