After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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