yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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