sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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