Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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