I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
