just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
