Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize