I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
