So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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