"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
