he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
