She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize