Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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