she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
