Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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