haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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