my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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