Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
