I CAN MOONWALK!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
