Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He did a backflip because drugs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
