when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
