My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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