just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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