I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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