Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize