kristin has been a bad kristin
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
