You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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