I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
